I took Drew to Ms. Wendi when he was 1 1/2. She has an in-home care center, and she was the place I took him when I first moved to Natomas. Drew quickly became a favorite there, and the school was usually around 10 kids. He was one of the youngest when he started there, but due to the small class and close attention by the teachers, he was well cared for and closely monitored. He excelled at Wendi's, and quickly advanced in his studies. When he had his last day there, he was one of the oldest kids, at over 4 1/2 years old, and was possibly the alpha male of the school. That changed.
He's now in the "4th R" program at his new school, where he'll be attending kindergarten. It's a before / after school care program affiliated with the school, held on the school campus. We were very excited when we found out about it, and were thrilled at the chance he'd have to attend the new program for 6 or 7 weeks prior to the actual start of kindergarten. This means he'd meet a few classmates and schoolmates prior to the start of class, as well as becoming familiar with the school itsself. He'd also be one of the youngest in his class again, something we attributed to his quick learning while at Wendi's, as he always aspired to play and communicate with the older kids.
The 4th R class has a range of kids, from pre-k age (Drew's among the youngest), through probably 4th or 5th grade. That means an age range from 4 - 10. Developmentally, it's an enormous range. And as it's part of the solution, it's part of a problem.
Dropping Drew off at school was a good experience yesterday. We packed him a lunch, put a few other essentials into his backpack, and both took him in. The program coordinator was expecting him, and addressed him by name when he entered the class. She introduced him to some of the other kids that were already in the classroom, and he was excited to get started. Hugs and kisses, and Amy and I were off to our own days.
We never received a call while at our respective places of work, a good sign that nothing was wrong. Amy sent an email to me wondering if bullying still occurs, and I brushed it off as a thing of the past. This was going to be a great experience for him, and that was the end of it.
Amy picked him up from school the next day, and I saw her car in the lot on my way home, and I couldn't resist dropping in myself to be part of the pick-up experience. She walked him out to her car, and I asked how his day was, but Amy told me that he'd tell me all about it when we got home.
Drew's recollection of the day was like a punch in the gut. He told me that kids told him to stop following him. One boy did the "what's that on your shirt - zip (to the nose)" trick on him. Another kid called him "little". I felt like I'd thrown him to the lions. He commented that "no one there likes me". I was crushed. My little guy had been rejected by his peers for the first time in his life, and I was powerless. I asked him if he wanted to go back to his big boy school or back to Ms. Wendi's the next day, and he surprised me by saying that he wanted to go back to the big boy school. Not that I was ready to let him choose, but I wanted to know how he felt.
Crushed, I called my own mom to ask how my first kindergarten experience went. She said I cried the entire day, and assured me that this is what happens with new locations with little kids. That made me feel a little better, in a strange way. Drew related his day to Grandma, and she told him that the kids just don't know him yet, and that every day would be better than the last. Drew, an optimist after my own heart, agreed, and I like to think that he made up his mind to have a better day.
This morning, I talked to a teacher when I dropped him off about the experiences that Drew related to me from the day before. She assured me that none of the incidents that Drew related to me happened in the classroom, but it's possible that they were all from when he was out playing on the playground equipment. I asked her just to watch him and see how he does today. There were 15 kids there already, and I can't expect him to have preferential treatment, but maybe it's just something I asked to make myself feel better.
I gave Drew a hug and a kiss, and tried to scuttle out of the classroom as quickly as possible to avoid the drawn out goodbye that tends to upset kids, and he scurried up to follow me as I made my escape. He asked for another hug and a kiss. Then I stepped out of the door, and he asked for yet another, his eyes tearing up. I wanted to just take him back home, but I knew better. I gave him one last hug and a kiss, gently pushed him back into the room, and acted like I left. 10 seconds later, I saw him approaching a teacher, who offered him another hug.
So here I am at work, hoping that today goes better. I know yesterday wasn't a complete negative experience. He loves being around other kids, and I'm sure that he played with others a bit. He just let negative experiences from some of the older kids overshadow his day. I'm sure today will go better, and hopefully by the end of the week, he'll have appointed a new best friend. I'm always hopeful.
2 comments:
Dude, that's tough. When I moved Cassie to her Genentech daycare, I was lucky that I could stay for a couple of hours while she acclimated but that was with similar age groups. The hardest thing for me is leaving when she is crying for me to stay. I admire Drew's optimism and I'm sure it will pay off soon.
That is so hard. My husband always does the drop off in the mornings and after 2 months he still has tears probably every other day at 2 years old. I am so thankful that by the time I get there in the afternoon to pick him up he is never ready to leave....I am sure it will just take a few weeks and he will start telling you and Amy about all the positives!
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